Keep It Simple Sweetheart

"Life is simple, but we insist on making it complex."

~Confucius

I think most people would understand were we to choose not to decorate for the holidays this year.  Coming off a rough month for both of us, we are weary.  But having had to forego our Thanksgiving tradition with friends, and having spent so much time last year organizing decorations for an easier holiday this year, we decided to go ahead, albeit more simply.  

So, our Christmas tree, a bit smaller than last year's, is up, decorated and topped with our traditional angel.  The mantel, with fewer ornaments than last year, is lovely nonetheless.  A few of our other decorations rest in their usual spots - not ready yet to give up my Santa collection or the large bowls of beautiful ornaments.  But several items are destined now for other homes and newer memories.  Simpler, not abandoned.

The effort has been well worth it.  First, decorating together is just plain fun and it was rewarding to see that my efforts last year were worth it.  Not only fun, but easier than usual. Second, we both love the look and feel of our home at the holidays and would have missed it. Third, while almost everyday brings new information, new challenges, a new normal, this is a cherished piece of the old normal.  Fourth, when there is so much out of our control, decorating, (and deciding what to let go), is something we can control.  

Most valuable, however, has been the recognition that not only do we need to simplify our home for easier maintenance and a calmer environment, but we would benefit from simplifying our efforts, our habits and routines as well. This is a project to do together and one that will keep us on focused on the here and now, rather than worry and fret over a future we can't control.

So, we've started, not just to be better organized or reduce clutter (a goal I've been working on ever since we merged two homes into one), but to simplify, to make easier to manage, to reduce maintenance and effort, to reduce the complexities. A different set of criteria. 

After only one week, we have made a small dent, and it's already clear that this will take a different way of thinking.  We will do well to remember why we are doing this.  We will have to focus on what we are gaining rather than what we are letting go.  We will have to pace ourselves, to keep our approach and strategies simple, too.  One collection, one box, one cupboard, one drawer, one pile of papers.  Our mantra...keep it simple sweetheart.

Staying Sane in an Insane World

"We have met the enemy and he is us."

~ Pogo

Although Pogo uttered these words in l970 as a commentary on environmental concerns, almost 20 years ago, I woke with these words tumbling in my head during the early hours after news of the Dallas killings.  For, the issue of terrorism aside (not to discount it, but to stop focusing on it for awhile) we seem to be doing an effective job of attacking ourselves from within.  And from my vantage point, as an aging moderate committed to developing and applying critical thinking skills to my own thinking and to what I hear and see coming from others, I am more concerned about what we are doing to each other than what some terrorist might do to me.

Today, I ask that you consider what I am observing and if you do, too. let me know. Let me know how else and what else you think.  Let's start an on-line conversation that leads to something better in our communities  Invite others to discuss these issues, not just lament or defend, but discuss.  We need to talk, to think together.  Or we will surely end up in the direction we are headed.

This is some of what I see, too often, contributing to the distrust, anger, fear, polarity and ultimately to the growing proclivity for violence:

• Either/or - in its many permutations, right/wrong, good/bad; all/nothing; black/white. No room for a third alternative nor even the possibility that both views could contain valid points,
• Gross generalizations - even if challenging it when aimed at oneself, an unwillingness to challenge it in one's own thinking.  Consider pro-police representatives who, rightly, say most police are to be respected and the few "bad apples" don't represent the majority who then say Black Lives Matter is a racist group because of the behavior of a few.  Or vice versa.  All (fill in the blank) are racist, stupid, naive, the enemy., etc., etc.
• Name-calling and labeling to a degree I can't recall since a youngster on the playground.  Or a teacher of elementary students.  Outrageous accusations, belittling, demeaning, crude labels.  The resurgence of pejorative terms in public discourse we thought we had eradicated.  When did their use become a badge of honesty? 
• Emotions used to justify behavior, rather than even considering the underlying thinking that fosters the emotions.
• A demand for rights while disregarding the rights of others. 
• A defense of one amendment to the exclusion of others.
• Belief trumping reason.  Assumptions unchecked by data.  
• The declaration of faith, better yet, the "right" faith as a test for decency or leadership, rather than character or experience.  As though no one of faith could be a liar nor anyone who doesn't proclaim a faith could be truthful.
• The constant search for one person to blame rather than consider shared responsibility.  Data and facts dismissed as irrelevant or the domain of elitist intellectuals.
• The demand for immediate, simple solutions to complex problems.
• A media that provides a platform for the above and too rarely challenges it.  
• News as entertainment.  If it weren't for local news, PBS and NPR, and an occasional Sunday or holiday program, we would rarely see positive stories, stories of true heroism and compassion on the airways.
• The explosion of social media that allows for outrageous, even fallacious things to be said and spread with full anonymity.  At least we knew who our bullies were.  And while stories can be checked for authenticity, I have to wonder what % of people who pass something on have checked it first.
• What feels at times as the marginalization of moderate voices, while demanding that moderate Muslim voices come forward.  When moderate voices do step up, what degree of media coverage do they receive?  What % of time did Gov. Kasich receive I wonder.
• Compromise too often perceived as losing; the critical thinking and communication skills required to bridge gaps not only not valued, but distrusted, demeaned and dismissed.  
• The alarming proliferation of guns.  Those of us who remember the 60's and the wrenching apart of families, communities and the nation can only wonder how much worse that would have been were there access to the weaponry on our streets today.
• A growing sense that we are like the frog, who in a pot of water that gradually gets hotter and hotter, remains until he is boiled, unaware that he can and should get out before it's too late.

I do know this is not true of everyone.  I talk to folks who are aware of these issues, some who try to present a question or distinction to challenge any of the above whenever and wherever they can in the hopes of at least interrupting  the escalation.  I see people across the spectrum of opinion who are trying to interject a voice of reason, to try to calm the alarming volatility.  I know whites are standing beside blacks in peaceful demonstration and blacks are shielding police.  It is what keeps me from hiding in my bedroom with a blanket over my head. 

It is also what has given me pause to consider what else I can do to speak out for a more civil discourse and a more collaborative effort to solve problems.  This is what I am doing and what I am committed to do.

• I challenge overgeneralizations when I hear them.
• I ask for evidence when I hear or receive information that feels questionable or especially incendiary. 
• I offer an alternative point of view when asked for an either/or opinion - and one of my favorite responses, is "it depends."
• I try to listen to another point of view thoroughly and acknowledge that I've heard it, before offering my own.  Admittedly, this is the hardest thing for me when I deeply disagree and especially, when I suspect or even have evidence that the other person will not grant me the same consideration.
• I am commenting more frequently on Facebook, something I thought I would never do.
• I am writing to my Congressional representatives to remind them that they are (or most often are not) representing my views and values.
• I am going to write to certain channels and moderators to support those who are calling out irresponsible, disrespectful behavior of interviewees and panel members and to let those who do not know why I will not watch them.  Turning off the TV may help my personal morale, but it doesn't let anyone else know why.  That could help my morale even more!
• I volunteer time and energy to two local non-profits that are making a difference in my community.
• I will be on the campus of our local university this fall to help register new voters.
• Above all, I listen to myself and examine my thinking.  I try to remain alert to my biases and prejudices and defenses.  And I apologize when I have forgotten.

And finally, I thank you for whatever you are doing to insert some sanity into this insane state of affairs, and to encourage those of you who feel it wouldn't make a difference anyway to reconsider.  I particularly encourage those of us who are retired, who have more time and memories of how dangerous this rage and irresponsibility can be to step up and let our voices be heard.

Still Laughing after All These Years

“You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” 

~ George Bernard Shaw

On this first day of my "birth week", a tradition I highly recommend, I declare that....

When I am a very old woman, I shall...

wear sequins and bangles, glitz and bling,
and I shall spend my money on chocolates and macadamia nuts, and glitter for my hair.
I shall sit down on the grass when I'm tired and reek of perfume samples,
and play hopscotch with little girls,
"and make up for the sobriety of my youth."
I shall dance in the rain,
and weave garlands for my hair,
and learn to yodel.
I shall have champagne for breakfast,
and pile shells and wine corks and colored marbles in pretty little boxes.
And, above all, I shall laugh.

But maybe I ought to start today.  So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised when suddenly I am very old and start to wear sequins and bangle, glitz and bling.

- with special thanks..."Warning, When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple" by Jenny Joseph

In the Blink of an Eye

     "The great measure of human maturation is the increasing understanding that we

 move through life in the blink of an eye; that we are not long with the privilege of having eyes to see, ears to hear, a voice with which to speak and arms to put round a loved one; that we are simply passing through."

                                                             ~ David Whyte

I have come to this understanding - that we move through life in the blink of an eye - several times in recent years.  Usually, it strikes me again with the news that someone is older than I think he or she is (my nephew who is 45, not 35), or that a celebrity I have followed for years has just died (Natalie Cole), or that an historical event happened longer ago than I remember ( The Sound of Music is 50 years old).

I seem to be thinking this more often these past few months, however, as I notice more and more evidence of my own aging process.  When I look in the mirror and see my mother's face.  When I find it has taken me longer to accomplish a certain task than it did even five years ago or that it has taken more energy.  When the passage of time as measured in the birthdays or anniversaries of loved ones comes as a shock - an uncle who is 90, a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary.  Or, as happened this past week, when I awoke with the startling realization that this was my 75th Christmas and were my father alive, he would be 100 this year.  In the blink of an eye.

This realization can be daunting.  Perhaps it is why we put it away, forget it, are continually surprised when it surfaces again.  Or it can be a gift, a measure of our maturation as David Whyte asserts.  This year I want to hold onto it, to use it to inspire the choices I make and especially the way I spend the gift of another year.  

It was, therefore, with a serendipitous pleasure that I came upon the recent column of Dear Abby entitled "New year is opportunity to set a goal for the future" in which Jeanne Phillips shared her mother's New Year's Resolutions, adapted from the original credo of Al-Anon. They capture my intentions for the coming year.  I've abridged them for myself, added to them, copied them and posted them throughout the house.  I share them in the hope they can inspire you as much as they do me.

  Just for Today;  I will concentrate on this day only.  I will not dwell in the past or worry about tomorrow.  
  Just for Today:  I will be content.  I will focus on the positive. 
  Just for Today:  I will accept what is.  I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.
  Just for Today:  I will improve my mind.  I will do something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
  Just for Today:  I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable.  I will refrain from trying to improve anybody but myself. (My husband loves this one!)
  Just for Today:  I will do something to improve my health. 
  Just for Today:  I will be grateful for all I have and especially, for all those who love and support me, and -
  Just for Today:  I will not forget that "we move through life in the blink of an eye."