Wondering

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened."
                            ~Cora Harvey Armstrong

Sometimes I do wonder what happened.  I wonder how the years have flown by so quickly. How my little nephew is now a corporate executive in his forties, a father of two.  Or how the talented teacher I helped hire not that long ago has been retired for a few years now.  Or how an actor that I haven't seen for awhile is suddenly so....old.  (Like Nick Nolte in A Walk in the Woods!)  Or how I see my mother's face when I look in the mirror.  

Even though I understand that change is occurring more frequently than when I was a youngster and that technology and the explosion of information are driving that speed, I can still be taken back for a few moments when someone doesn't recognize the singers of my childhood - Perry Como? The Four Lads? Rosemary Clooney - was she related to George? I find the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars increasingly saddening as I watch the actors and actresses of my youth disappearing and knowing, as I watch, that there are generations who do not know much, if anything, about them.  Or that they seem to know so little about the movements and events that have shaped this culture and the individuals and groups who initiated them.  Sometimes not even recognizing their names.  Jonas Salk, Bobby Kennedy,  Barry Commoner, Betty Friedan, Edward R. Morrow - or the SDS or Joseph McCarthy.

So, although I still occasionally wonder, I am not surprised when I hear a young woman with some disdain proclaim that she is not a feminist.  Or listen to some politicians speak so easily, too easily,  about sending young men and women to war.  It is not that I feel old at these times, I feel sad.  I feel like an observer, not a participant.  Could it be that folks who lament the good old days, whether young or old, are lamenting the familiar?  Not that those days were better, but that at least they were familiar.

It is, therefore, with great gratitude that I find myself in this sweet community of St. George. Recognized recently in Consumer's Report and Money Magazine as one of the best locations for retirees, I find myself among other seniors who do remember, who share some similar values, and who also wonder.

Note:  If you have been following this new blog, please note the addition of a new gadget for signing on as a follower.  Apparently the two previous gadgets do not achieve that end.  Good thing that I enjoy learning!

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Words Have Power

"You can change your world by changing your words."

Joel Olsteen

As a youngster of Sicilian descent, raised in the 40's in neighborhoods where Sicilian was synonymous with Mafia and crime, and therefore, distrusted, even feared, I became painfully aware of the power of words at a very early age.  In the 50's, as an adolescent and teenager, I experienced how easily labels become stereotypes and how those stereotypes create barriers and estrangement.    How easily what the outside world says about us can become what we believe about ourselves.

Fortunately, my parents worked consistently to counteract the words and messages they knew their children were receiving.  They encouraged us to take pride in who we were, our talents and what we could accomplish with them. To not let the outer voices become the inner voices in our heads.

Perhaps that's why I have no problem with political correctness, other than my concern that we seem only to have created more subtle ways to imply a group is less than, weaker than, out of the mainstream, not quite as capable.  Or conversely, of course, better than, more competent, smarter, more righteous, more valuable.

I'd like to think it isn't always mean-spirited.  That using the word "deserve" in ads from pharmaceuticals to flooring isn't intended to encourage entitlement.  Or the word "anti-aging" for so many products and services out there isn't intended to suggest there is something wrong with growing older.  But I notice the visceral reaction I have to these words or to the words attached to growing older, words like - forgetful, diminished, feeble, Luddite - words I hear some of my contemporaries using for themselves.  The outer voices having become their inner voices.

Recently, in my quest to learn more about the aging process and what I might think or do in order to age well, I returned to a classic volume I read years ago when taking on the care-giving of my parents (who weren't aging well), appropriately titled, Aging Well by George Vaillant.  How could I have forgotten that gerontologists, who certainly do mean well, have labeled the last stages of life as old, old old and very old.  Imagine my shock to discover that I am officially old old when I don't even feel old yet!  I'm not inordinately forgetful, certainly not diminished or feeble, and working hard not to be a Luddite.

So, I'm on the hunt for better words to describe myself and my contemporaries, words like elder, and sage, mature, vital and wise.  More positive labels like the labels social philosopher and family therapist, Michael Guerian suggests we adopt for life after fifty, The Age of Transformation, The Age of Distinction and The Age of Completion.  Who wouldn't prefer to think of themselves as members of The Age of Distinction rather than one of the old old!  

I don't know if this is the first or most important step to aging well, but I know it matters.  I agree with Joel Olsteen, so I want as much as possible to use words to describe myself, my world, and my stage in life to be positive, words that encourage rather than limit satisfaction, words that promote healthy optimism.  Yes, elder and sage, mature, vital and wise.  And....???