Looking for the Silver Lining

For as long as I can remember, song lyrics have popped into my head at the strangest times - a chance remark, a memory, someone's story, or even for no apparent reason.  I'm used to it.  Have come to just let it be when it happens, and trust that if there is a meaning or reason for its appearance, eventually I will make the connection.

Given both the current political climate and our personal challenges, it hasn't surprised me, therefore, that "Look for the Silver Lining" would be echoing in my head for days now.  "Look for the Silver Lining", for folks who haven't heard of the song, was introduced to the world in 1920, made popular by Judy Garland in 1945 and revisited most recently by Tony Bennett in 2015. And though many people may not know the tune or lyrics (which I include later in this post), the exhortation to "look for the silver lining" has become a common phrase used to support people through trying times. 


So, I've taken time to look for the silver lining in John's illness.  Clearly, we would much prefer not to be fighting cancer yet one more time, not to be facing something currently incurable, hoping that a breakthrough will occur, will be offered the next time we see the doctor.  We would much prefer that John have the energy and stamina he used to have. We would prefer he not need regular blood transfusions and chemo.  But having said that, there are other very real, very special side effects that we might never experience without this challenge, and that's the silver lining.  

Of course, there is the obvious - we are more present in the moment, more conscious of how we speak to each other, how we spend our time, the choices we are making and need to make.  As we have been through other crises, yet seem to forget once the crisis is past. We are also more affectionate, more intimate.  More so than we have ever been.  With little gestures, and at odd little moments.  More appreciative of the life we have had together, the homes, the friends, the memories.  We enjoy the little things, the simplest things, like laughing at Paul Harvey's antics on Family Feud, or deciding which judge a contestant should choose on The Voice, and are conscious, in the moment, of our enjoyment.  Then there are the everyday things too easily taken for granted, like the desert sunset or a glass of B and B after supper, the call or e-mail asking how we are doing, the thoughtfulness of the service people who have taken up the slack for us, a favor we do for each other without being asked.

I'm sure there are others who have learned to live their lives this way without incurring a disease or experiencing a disaster.  I'd like to think we might have evolved this level of consciousness and appreciation over time, but I'm not sure that we might just as well drifted along, most days only semi-conscious.  I also am aware that some people never see the silver lining, never look.  For us, this is the paradox, the contradiction, the both/and.  We are fighting for John's life and we are blessed.

Look for the Silver Lining

                            

Look for the silver lining

Whenever a cloud appears in the blue

Remember somewhere the sun is shining

And so the right thing to do is make it shine for you

A heart full of joy and gladness

Will always banish sadness and strife

So always look for the silver lining

And try to find the sunny side of life

If I Ruled the World...

"If I ruled the world,

Every man would be as free as a bird

Every voice would be a voice to be heard..."

~ Cyril Ornadel, Leslie Bricusse  

This has been a tough week.  I have watched with dismay as this President signs executive order after executive order that I disagree with.  I have serious concerns about his mental health and the agenda of many of the people he surrounds himself with.  I can't believe that the interference of a foreign government, let alone Russia, hasn't raised more of an outcry nationwide. I have watched demonstrations that remind me of the divisiveness of the 60's that tore apart our families and communities.  I fear our very democracy is being eroded before my eyes, fed by the beliefs of a small segment of our population with little regard for the needs or values of the larger whole, even blatant disregard.

I want to think "we are better than this."  But that belief is being tested almost everywhere I look.  When lies are called alternative facts and people brag about posting false stories, when basic Constitutional rights (freedom of speech, freedom of the press and freedom of assembly) are threatened, when I see resistance that looks as ugly as that which is being resisted, when I see and hear behavior I would have chastised a 10 year old for, I am at best stunned, at worst saddened and afraid.  So....

If I had my way -

• we'd challenge our generalizations - not all Republicans support this president and his policies; not all Muslims are terrorists; not all Christians are Evangelical; not all Democrats are Progressives; not all Pro-Choice supporters advocate abortion; not all voters who didn't vote for him voted for her; not all who voted for him are racist, etc., etc.
• we'd "seek to understand, then be understood" - whether in personal conversation or on social media, we'd ask more questions for clarity; consider at least a point, if not the entire perspective, that is being made; provide feedback for understanding (even if not in total agreement) before countering with our own points of view.  
• we'd move beyond blame, especially overarching blame of a single group of people - there are many factors that contributed to the outcome of this election, many groups that can be pointed to for the roles they played or didn't play; we'd do well to remember that blame elicits more defensiveness than ownership.
• we'd tamp down the flames of hatred rather than fan them -  name-calling, profanity, insult, ridicule and rudeness are running rampant; hatred is being justified by anger; respect is being demanded without being given; "argument turns too easily into animosity; disagreement escalates into dehumanization." (George W. Bush) 
• we'd be as aware of our own biases, as much as we are the biases of others - President Bush said it beautifully in Dallas, "too often we judge other groups by their worst examples, but judge ourselves by our best intentions."  I also would add that too often we justify with single anecdotes rather than patterns of behavior, belief rather than fact.
• we'd do our homework - we'd learn from history - ours and that of other countries, understand how easily populism morphs into Fascism, what trade wars can do to an economy, how easily the fabric of a society is torn apart and how long it takes to sew it back together again.  We would demand more than platitudes and slogans, proof and plans, not mere promises; personal character would be as much a criteria for success as wealth is.
• we would be engaged citizens - we'd understand how our government is supposed to operate; we'd understand something about basic economic theory; have some knowledge about the rest of the world; at least we would vote...and rid ourselves of the gerrymandering that has contributed to the belief - and in many cases, the reality - that our vote doesn't matter.

But most of all, we'd look for ways to pull together, rather than divide further - we'd seek compromise, solutions that work for the largest segments of our population, not just a single segment or group.  Next month I will be 76.  Although I am concerned for my own future should this regime impact Medicare and Social Security and health care as they promise to, I am not going to be here in 15 to 20 years, maybe less than that.  But my nieces and nephews, my grand-nieces and grand-nephews will be.  If I had my way, they will enjoy the opportunities I did.  They will live in an environment of clean air and clean water.  They will feel safe to express their political views, to practice the religion of their choice, or no religion at all. 

I know I will never rule the world.  But at least, I can still hope "this is not who we are."

Staying Sane in an Insane World

"We have met the enemy and he is us."

~ Pogo

Although Pogo uttered these words in l970 as a commentary on environmental concerns, almost 20 years ago, I woke with these words tumbling in my head during the early hours after news of the Dallas killings.  For, the issue of terrorism aside (not to discount it, but to stop focusing on it for awhile) we seem to be doing an effective job of attacking ourselves from within.  And from my vantage point, as an aging moderate committed to developing and applying critical thinking skills to my own thinking and to what I hear and see coming from others, I am more concerned about what we are doing to each other than what some terrorist might do to me.

Today, I ask that you consider what I am observing and if you do, too. let me know. Let me know how else and what else you think.  Let's start an on-line conversation that leads to something better in our communities  Invite others to discuss these issues, not just lament or defend, but discuss.  We need to talk, to think together.  Or we will surely end up in the direction we are headed.

This is some of what I see, too often, contributing to the distrust, anger, fear, polarity and ultimately to the growing proclivity for violence:

• Either/or - in its many permutations, right/wrong, good/bad; all/nothing; black/white. No room for a third alternative nor even the possibility that both views could contain valid points,
• Gross generalizations - even if challenging it when aimed at oneself, an unwillingness to challenge it in one's own thinking.  Consider pro-police representatives who, rightly, say most police are to be respected and the few "bad apples" don't represent the majority who then say Black Lives Matter is a racist group because of the behavior of a few.  Or vice versa.  All (fill in the blank) are racist, stupid, naive, the enemy., etc., etc.
• Name-calling and labeling to a degree I can't recall since a youngster on the playground.  Or a teacher of elementary students.  Outrageous accusations, belittling, demeaning, crude labels.  The resurgence of pejorative terms in public discourse we thought we had eradicated.  When did their use become a badge of honesty? 
• Emotions used to justify behavior, rather than even considering the underlying thinking that fosters the emotions.
• A demand for rights while disregarding the rights of others. 
• A defense of one amendment to the exclusion of others.
• Belief trumping reason.  Assumptions unchecked by data.  
• The declaration of faith, better yet, the "right" faith as a test for decency or leadership, rather than character or experience.  As though no one of faith could be a liar nor anyone who doesn't proclaim a faith could be truthful.
• The constant search for one person to blame rather than consider shared responsibility.  Data and facts dismissed as irrelevant or the domain of elitist intellectuals.
• The demand for immediate, simple solutions to complex problems.
• A media that provides a platform for the above and too rarely challenges it.  
• News as entertainment.  If it weren't for local news, PBS and NPR, and an occasional Sunday or holiday program, we would rarely see positive stories, stories of true heroism and compassion on the airways.
• The explosion of social media that allows for outrageous, even fallacious things to be said and spread with full anonymity.  At least we knew who our bullies were.  And while stories can be checked for authenticity, I have to wonder what % of people who pass something on have checked it first.
• What feels at times as the marginalization of moderate voices, while demanding that moderate Muslim voices come forward.  When moderate voices do step up, what degree of media coverage do they receive?  What % of time did Gov. Kasich receive I wonder.
• Compromise too often perceived as losing; the critical thinking and communication skills required to bridge gaps not only not valued, but distrusted, demeaned and dismissed.  
• The alarming proliferation of guns.  Those of us who remember the 60's and the wrenching apart of families, communities and the nation can only wonder how much worse that would have been were there access to the weaponry on our streets today.
• A growing sense that we are like the frog, who in a pot of water that gradually gets hotter and hotter, remains until he is boiled, unaware that he can and should get out before it's too late.

I do know this is not true of everyone.  I talk to folks who are aware of these issues, some who try to present a question or distinction to challenge any of the above whenever and wherever they can in the hopes of at least interrupting  the escalation.  I see people across the spectrum of opinion who are trying to interject a voice of reason, to try to calm the alarming volatility.  I know whites are standing beside blacks in peaceful demonstration and blacks are shielding police.  It is what keeps me from hiding in my bedroom with a blanket over my head. 

It is also what has given me pause to consider what else I can do to speak out for a more civil discourse and a more collaborative effort to solve problems.  This is what I am doing and what I am committed to do.

• I challenge overgeneralizations when I hear them.
• I ask for evidence when I hear or receive information that feels questionable or especially incendiary. 
• I offer an alternative point of view when asked for an either/or opinion - and one of my favorite responses, is "it depends."
• I try to listen to another point of view thoroughly and acknowledge that I've heard it, before offering my own.  Admittedly, this is the hardest thing for me when I deeply disagree and especially, when I suspect or even have evidence that the other person will not grant me the same consideration.
• I am commenting more frequently on Facebook, something I thought I would never do.
• I am writing to my Congressional representatives to remind them that they are (or most often are not) representing my views and values.
• I am going to write to certain channels and moderators to support those who are calling out irresponsible, disrespectful behavior of interviewees and panel members and to let those who do not know why I will not watch them.  Turning off the TV may help my personal morale, but it doesn't let anyone else know why.  That could help my morale even more!
• I volunteer time and energy to two local non-profits that are making a difference in my community.
• I will be on the campus of our local university this fall to help register new voters.
• Above all, I listen to myself and examine my thinking.  I try to remain alert to my biases and prejudices and defenses.  And I apologize when I have forgotten.

And finally, I thank you for whatever you are doing to insert some sanity into this insane state of affairs, and to encourage those of you who feel it wouldn't make a difference anyway to reconsider.  I particularly encourage those of us who are retired, who have more time and memories of how dangerous this rage and irresponsibility can be to step up and let our voices be heard.